Have you Laughed Today yet?

I recently watched 5minutes of Lead Balloon and found myself laughing a lot. How have I never heard of this programme before? Since I started writing comedy I’ve been paying a lot more attention to the different sitcoms and comedies around.

Apparently an adult laughs on average 17 times a day, it might not be much, but to me it seems like a healthy amount of times; but if someone does laugh that much then why is it so hard to make one laugh deliberately?

There is an art to writing comedy and like any genre, there will be people who either love it or hate it.

I remember watching Married with Children when I was younger. We would all sit and watch it with my Dad and he would laugh out loud (yes, he would lol) from beginning to end, my mum on the other hand didn’t find any of the characters likeable. I am sure she would approve of the more recent take on family comedy, Modern Family, also staring Ed O’Neil.

I know some people of a certain generation who didn't like Friends. A group of youngsters all ‘living in sin’ just didn’t fit in with their values. If they gave it a chance they would realise it wasn’t about whether or not they had sex, it was about the interactions. Although having said that, sex is funny! It is always a recurring theme in many comedies, why? Because it’s awkward, it’s clumsy, it can be taboo and is rarely sexy. As Lucy V Hay writes in her blog, you can tell a lot about people and their relationship through sex.

I digress; this is a post about comedy, not SEX.

Over the years I’ve come across a few people who think Ace Ventura: Pet Detective is one of the funniest films they have ever seen. I personally don’t get it and after watching it, I could not watch any films that Jim Carrey starred in. For me, his exaggerated facial expressions were just trying too hard to be funny.

That leads me to question how comedy on paper translates to screen? It is as much about the story and gags as it is about the performance. An average performance without all the right pauses could leave a lot to be desired; likewise, an excellent delivery of a mediocre comedy script will just be mediocre. How many times have we watched a comedy because of its cast, only to be disappointed? I can think of a few.

I’m now on a mission to read the script for Ace Ventura simply to find out whether or not I would like it better. Unfortunately, it seems that whenever I read a script of a film or TV series that I have already watched, I can’t help but imagine the characters as played by the respective actors, so reading Ace Ventura without imagining Jim Carey playing the lead role could be a challenge.

Whether it makes you laugh or not, a comedy should still read as a comedy, that is, one should be able to identify its genre without much thought to it. So if you have to think too much about the genre, or even worse, if you’ve written a comedy and someone mistakes it for a horror, then it’s time for a re-write.

It is hard to make everyone laugh at a comedy, so I try to at least write something that I find funny. If you can get just one person to laugh, then hopefully you’re on a roll. Do you know what? Laughter is infectious; the more people who laugh at something, the more other people will laugh too. Notice next time you are in a movie theatre watching a comedy. The minute someone laughs out loud at something, others will join in, and the more people laugh, the more others will realise it’s ok to laugh and will join in. 

Child's Play: Write What You Know?

As some of you may have noticed, I’m a sucker for competitions. I work best to deadlines and therefore jump at the opportunity of entering one more comp. It is also a welcome distraction from all those re-writes that I should be doing instead.

When CBeebies therefore announced their script competition Get A Squiggle On I was very excited. This is certainly something I know about.  I am a mother of two under the age of 4 and children’s TV is probably watched more than any other channel in this house. Having also worked on the promo team for Cbeebies I decided that I knew enough about the channel to write a twenty-minute script for an original live action programme.

I started to think about the various kids’ programmes and their content, which ones my son liked the best and why. It seems that no matter what the message is, the main characters are all very lively and exaggerated caricatures being mostly grown ups or older children. In Grandpa in my Pocket for example, the characters’ names tend to reflect their personality, such as Mr Whoops, Mr Liker Biker and Captain Shipshape amongst others. The characters in Balamory are equally all exaggerations of real people who live in a charming village with houses all painted in a different colour – being the use of primary colours another characteristic of kids’ programmes.

Music is key and whether it’s just the opening/ closing sequence or throughout, it is important to have a catchy tune with memorable and easy to learn lyrics. When they get it right, the children will be singing it over and over and over. This is great for the programme makers, not so good for the parents’ ears.

Finally, there is a formula that all episodes will follow. In Something Special, for example, there are intercut sequences between Mr Tumble and Justin as well as the use of Makaton signs. The viewer knows that no matter what the theme is, it will always start and end with Mr Tumble.

The duration of 20 minutes is a challenge but if you have a good strong formula to set the pace with characters and topics that the child can relate to, then hopefully it will keep the child engaged.

Taking all of the above into consideration, I started to brainstorm. Many different ideas later it seemed that it had either already been done, or it wasn’t really something I would want to watch myself. Eventually, Taro suggested we adapt a short he had been writing. It would have to be changed from dark comedy to a more colourful and child friendly version, but it could work and should be fun.

After a week or two of talking about it, we came up with a workable outline that could be adapted to any episode and I started writing. Five pages in I got stuck and I got bored. As Taro pointed out, even though we watch unhealthy amounts of children’s TV, it doesn’t mean that we can write for it or even that we would want to; and he’s right. I could spend another 2-3weeks on this project but I’ve found it very hard not to get distracted.

They say write what you know, but they also say love what you write. What was I thinking? I spend all day with children; my life has become a child’s programme, why would I also want to write about it? Writing dark murderous comedy as a contrast is definitely a lot more fun.

For those of you entering this competition, here is an interesting article by Ben Faulks, creator, writer and star of Mr Bloom's Nursery. He talks about the writing and development process of his show.

Donkey Tails and other Random Facts

It was a breezy summer morning and we strolled along the beach. My husband and I walked hand in hand as the children ran ahead leaving footprints in the damp sand – the right kind of sand for building sand castles.

The seagulls squawked their squawky melodies rudely breaking the silence of that very quiet morning. As I looked around, I soon came to realise we were alone, there was no one in sight, not even a donkey, not a single one.

Something was wrong. It was a popular resort, the weather was reasonable, the seagulls were inviting and the sand was perfect for sculpting; so where were all the people, and most importantly, where were the donkeys?

I looked at my husband and squeezed his hand. He gave me a smile and assured me all was well. It was Friday after all. We might have been on Holiday but for others it was work as usual, the children were at school and as for the donkeys, well, the donkeys were having a day off.

There are about 400 working donkeys in the UK, of which 200 reside in Blackpool. It is therefore no surprise that there are regulations seeking to protect the animals from exploitation. They have a day off each week, on a Friday, a one hour lunch break and can only carry up to 51kgs.

I have never been to Blackpool, nor have I ever ridden a donkey. This is just one of the many pieces of trivia I've heard around the Production office as a shoot was being re-scheduled and scripts re-written to fit the real world. Writing and filmmaking can sometimes be a source of accidental knowledge, you become an expert at something you previously had little or no interest in.

Here is a list of a few of the things I have learned over the years:

·      When hiring a Drag Queen for a shoot, allow at least an hour for make-up

·      If someone asks you for a Paracetamol on set always say no, especially when there’s a nurse present.

·      Using a starting pistol for a shoot requires an armourer on set, even if it’s decommissioned. There should always be two people present when transporting the weapon, the armourer and a supervising armourer. The police need to be informed too!

·      It is possible to flip pancakes whilst running a marathon.

·    I now know how to make fake blood – the edible version

·      Filming with animals is expensive

·      If you plan on filming at Cannes do not book your flight and accommodation last minute unless you want to end up out of town or somewhere really really expensive

·      There is a small island north of Scotland called Shetland. They farm cod fish.

·      Travelling to a location for 48hrs with little or no sleep is not recommended

·      Thorpe Park is closed for maintenance on Tuesdays – and therefore perfect for filming without the added hazard and noise of crowds. On the other hand, having 12 turns in a row on a rollercoaster is not for everyone.

·      Haggis really is just a lamb sausage made with more spices, although I’m still not convinced about trying it. Incidentally, you can’t get it through customs into the US

·      With a few props a meeting room/ office space can double up as almost anything. The corridors around the offices at Elstree for example are painted like hospital corridors so they can be easily used for filming Holby City.

·      When at the BBC, if you get asked about the positioning of a DOG on screen, you do not search for a four-legged animal wagging its tail

·      If you work for/at the BBC you are required to do an extensive Health and Safety course and after that you never ever breathe again without filling in a form detailing the type of breathing, where and how you will be breathing, what risks are present in breathing and what measures you will be taking to prevent any of the risks. You are also fully aware of who gets blamed if you breathe in the wrong way. Oh and you get to see Anthea Turner on fire.

What facts have you come across accidentally or as part of your job, which you haven't actively sought out? 

Virtually There

This past weekend Chris Jones, filmmaker and writer of The Guerrila Film Makers Handbook, held a Guerilla Film Makers Masterclass at Regents College. Having got a ticket with one of the discount codes available, it seemed great value for money, a weekend fully packed with talks on all aspects of filmmaking and to top it all up, it started on Friday night with a talk by Gareth Unwin and David Seidler, producer and writer for "The King’s Speech", respectively.

There was just one problem: the ticket I bought wasn’t for me but for my husband. Having recently attended a Raindance course, it only seemed fair that I did the babysitting instead. So whilst Taro was off to acquire invaluable knowledge, I put on Pulp Fiction and sulked. Every once in a while though I thought I’d see if anyone was tweeting from the event.        

I was very pleased to see that whilst some people were tweeting about getting a Mexican wave going, Leilani Holmes (@momentsoffilm) was busy transcribing key moments 140 characters at a time and even though it wasn’t the same as being there, Twitter was the place to be for those of us who were unable to attend.

The weekend followed in much the same style and I have actually learned a few things virtually.

I could copy and paste all the tweets, but it would be a very long post, so instead you can check it out on #GFilm

Here are some of my favourite tweets:

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm Advice to new filmmakers Gareth: Just do it. The day you become a Producer is when you produce. A director when you direct.

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm Advice to new filmmakers David: Write from your heart. Something that comes from within.

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm David: You cannot wait for devine inspiration you just have to turn up and put something on the page.

Lunarcheeseshop Garret Smyth 

Homo sapiens is much more than fifteen thousand years old! (This is a test message, although none the less true.) #GFilm

WandaOpalinska Wanda Opalinska 

Chris Jones>Our subconscious can't distinguish real & imagined emotions, which is why we cry @ films <What do we think, tweeps?#GFilm

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

We're in the business of creating powerful experiences. Movies are emotional training grounds. #GFilm

meddyford Meddy Ford 

'It's about making 10,000 phone calls and getting one result' Too true! #Gfilm

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm Nobody really cares if you make your film but you. There's competition and there's people who have more but it never matters. Work.

asylumgiant Mark Lo 

#GFilm BEWARE THE FETISH OF KIT :)

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#gfilm The material you end up with is your film. You may have to let go of the script and make the best film you can from what you have.

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm We're critiqueing a short. Audience a bit brutal here. A good indication of how people react & why to test screen where possible.

momentsoffilm Leilani Holmes 

#GFilm A feature stays around for a long time so you have to love what you do.

Lunarcheeseshop Garret Smyth 

#GFilm CHIPS! Someone is eating chips in the room. They smell delicious...

livingspiritpix Chris Jones 

Exhausted, exhilarated and inspired by the extraordinary people I met at the Guerilla Masterclass. The REAL future of the industry #GFilm

I also got my husband’s account of the weekend and like many people, he’s ready to just do it! He also brought me home a little gift, a DVD copy of Chris Jones’ award winning short “Gone Fishing”. Can’t wait to see it.

Gone Fishing Trailer from Chris Jones on Vimeo.

It is amazing what can be done in this day and age and that one can gather so much information from an event as it’s unfolding but I must emphasize that as thankful as I was for all the live tweets, this is just the next best thing (poor man’s solution) rather than a substitute to physically being there. So unless you had a good excuse, such as babysitting, then I hope you were there.

With 360 delegates, there might have been new friendships starting over the weekend that will last for years, or who knows someone could have met the love of their life? Whatever you got from the event, those are things that I have missed out on, although thankfully I’m already married. Social networking and live streaming can all be invaluable sources of knowledge and exchange of information essential for today’s fast paced lifestyles, but they lack the very important human touch.

Some of the delegates were quick to add their thoughts to a blog and I decided to list the ones I’ve come across. If you too have written down your thoughts and experiences of the weekend, feel free to send me a link and I’ll add it to the list.

What did we learn from Oscar Winning Producer Gareth Unwin and Oscar winning writer David Seidler? - by Chris Jones

Gareth Unwin, David Seidler & The History of The King's Speech – by Leilani Holmes


The Guerilla Film Masterclass #GFilm - by Leilani Holmes

Start Doing It, Stop Talking About It ~ Gareth Unwin – by Meddy Ford

Reality Bites: How The Guerilla Film Masterclass Bit Me Hard… - by Stuart Elms


Back to Life, back to Reality - by evermorefilms


Guerilla Filmmakers Masterclass in London - by Christopher Bevan


Things I Learnt this Weekend - by Alli Parker

I Have Several Projects at Various Stages of Development

Last Saturday I attended the Saturday Film School offered by Raindance.

Let me just start by saying that one might think that listening to the same person speak for most of the day could be tedious. Perhaps, but that was definitely not the case when I recently sat and listened to Elliot Grove, founder of Raindance, whilst he reminisced about his life and filmmaking.

I was sitting in an auditorium filled with other budding filmmakers, all hungry for his tips and know how on how to succeed in this cut-throat industry. There it was, one of the first things he said was why we would never succeed. He whittled it down to 3 reasons: lack of confidence, procrastination and our own weaknesses. They all ring true with me and I feel that I have now run out of excuses.

There was a good mixture of age groups and specialisations, some already making movies or getting started and others still looking for a way in; some open to anything that could help them gain extra insight and answers, others who sadly had it all figured out.

The first person I spoke to was a young girl sitting to my right. She had a love of filmmaking but had yet to join the industry and wasn't sure what role she wanted to have in it. She is a science graduate and her day job involves reading science articles and spotting mistakes in the theory. I hope she realises that she has a great skill and could offer herself as a researcher for sci-fi movies or science programmes. If she wants to write, well half of it is to read and she does it on a daily basis.

No Money No Problem
Once we were assured that money does not have to be an issue we became our only barriers. If you are now thinking, but my script has a aeroplane, I can't afford to hire one; I need a certain actor for it to work, I don't know him; whatever it is you think is a problem, then you are just searching for yet another excuse. If you are serious about it, passionate about it, there is always a way. You make do with what you have. Write that big script which will cost a million, why not? but also write the no budget script, the one you know can be filmed on your street, in your uncle's bungalow, at the local playground, the one that will only require your home made props and the available and very willing actors you've met along the way.

The award winning short Sign Language directed by Oscar Sharp and written by Stephen Follows is a great example of a no budget short.

Sign Language - a short film from Oscar Sharp on Vimeo.

The Big Announcement
Once you have decided this is definitely what you want to do with your life, it's time to make the big announcement. Tell the world what you want to be when you grow up. My announcement was made many years ago whilst still at Uni. When a lecturer enquired who we aspired to be I announced very boldly that I was going to be a famous Producer. Yes, I know, I still laugh and cringe at the thought of it. Even though it's still an area I would like to pursue, being a writer is what I'm in love with at the moment.

Life is what it is though, you can plan as much as you wish, but you never know where you will end and I've had a fantastic journey so far even if I'm yet to Produce a short.

I Have Several Projects at Various Stages of Development
That has to be one of the best lines delivered by Elliot and we will probably all remember it for a while. It says it all whilst saying nothing. What does it really mean? Is it not an easy way out when you are announcing to the world you are a writer, a director, an editor, yet you have nothing to show for it? Maybe some people will buy it and applaud you for it, but you also have to be true to yourself.
No one is out to get you, no one cares if you have many projects in the making or not, you are your worst judge and if you've made the announcement but have yet to take the first step then the only one you are letting down is yourself (unless you have a family to support and have quit your day job to become a writer).

We Make our Own Luck
Elliot also talked about luck and what we each call it. I believe luck doesn't happen, it's made. You don't get lucky by writing one script and then sitting and waiting to be discovered. You work bloody hard at it, work around your day job, push yourself, get your name out there, meet people and then after maybe a year or maybe ten years you get your reward, if you're lucky.

The Movie is a Lie
In the afternoon, we all enjoyed a session about Directing with Patrick Tucker and from that I learned the cinema is a lie - what we don't see on screen doesn't exist. It was a very interesting session in which he demonstrated various different shots and how they are best captured on camera, even if that means having to strike some very uncomfortable or even embarrassing poses. They might look odd in real life, but on screen appear natural.


At the end of the day, I felt refreshed and inspired, I was ready to get out there and make movies. It was time to network and meet all those like minded people whose minds had all been equally blown away. Where better to start then the pub next door filled with those same people.

I was glad to have met some fantastic people whom I hope to keep in touch with and who knows we could one day collaborate.

I wish all of those who attended the course good luck and keep smiling.

Always Read the Label

You know how people say always read the label, and then you do, but only when something goes wrong? Or you get those long boring booklets from your Bank saying they've changed your Terms of Contract and it gets filed away without a second thought? Or even the many times you've clicked on that little box agreeing to the site's Terms & Conditions, which you are certain are just like all the other hundreds that you also did not read? Well...

painting by ML87

Earlier this year, my writing partner and I submitted a script to the BBC Laughing Stock competition. The deadline was looming and we were going through what was hopefully our last draft. The deadline was on a Monday, and it was the previous Wednesday. All that was left to do was a final read before moving on to the one page synopsis. I did a quick check of the rules and suddenly realised this would have to be posted. I had completely assumed that we could e-mail it without having actually read the guidelines in full! Our deadline was no longer Monday, it was Friday. We had one day to complete the synopsis and get the script printed ready for the Post Office Friday am. 

We made it, under pressure but it was delivered.

Some of you would hopefully learn from such an experience. Not I. Oh no.

This coming Saturday I am attending the Saturday Film School course offered by Raindance. I am very excited about it and have been looking forward to it since booking in early April. That was over a month ago. This evening I was asked the duration of the course and thought that I ought to check. As I read the course description I realised it was the first time I was reading that page, which thankfully was full of pleasant surprises, until I reached the end. The dreadful end - networking drinks.

Lately I have read a lot about networking and it seems everyone has some advice on how best to do it. As much as the thought of it makes me panic a little, I would still give it a chance. However, whenever I see the word networking, it seems to always be followed by the words business cards. This was no different. There it was at the very bottom of the course description. Shit!

The only business cards I have ever owned were some my grandmother ordered just for fun. The only information on them were my address and phone number; had she added an occupation, it would have to be student. I must have been 12. 

Yes, people have been talking about business cards, and I have been reading, taking it in, designing my card in my mind but never with a sense of urgency. I imagined that the minute I bought a ticket to an event that involved networking, I'd get them printed. Had I read the course description earlier, I would have realised that this is it!

The course is two days away and it seems impossible to get a sleek one, a la American Psycho printed. 

This time I will have to settle for the not so glamorous home-designed/ home-printed business cards, but by the end of the weekend I'll have placed my order. Who knows, it might even have a Watermark.

For those of you who have never seen American Psycho, or those who can't get enough of it, here is the business card scene.

The Juggling Life for Me

April is over and I survived. What a month! It's been mad but it's also been a lot of fun.

On the first of the month I was off on a writing frenzy in an attempt to get a 100 page script written within the month. I was very excited about the fact that I was going to be writing my first feature, but not quite certain that I would actually complete it. It was going to be a challenge!

As a Stay at Home Mum to a 1yr old and a 3yr old, life is busy and writing has to be worked around them and their routines, but hopefully after being home for about 3 1/2 years I've mastered that and it was not going to be a deterrent.

My main worry was the fact that on top of having weekends taken up by friends and family, Mr Russell was going to be home for 12days at the end of the month, at which point we planned on spending the days out with the kids. Not to mention that I had to fit a party into all that which required planning, shopping for, cleaning and preparing. Yes, writing was going to be a problem.

If I ever was any good at juggling, which frankly I just about get by, it was time to put those skills to the test. I was determined not only to complete the script within the deadline, but to also be there for my family and enjoy some well deserved days off.

WHAT DID I DO?

Set aside any other writing - I had just completed a 1st draft of a TV pilot, and even though it was fresh in my mind and I wanted to re-write it soon, I passed the ball to Taro, whom I was collaborating with. If I had any brain wave about anything not related to the main script, I would quickly jot it down somewhere and forget about it. There was no time for side-tracking.

Write whenever and wherever I could - I made use of the old-fashioned pen and paper on many occasions. I write faster than I type and it’s easy to cross out and start again, so it made sense. Plus, it can be used anywhere, even whilst sitting at the top of the stairs waiting for an over hyped child settle for the night. I would normally at this point play Angry Birds anyway, so why not write instead?

Set healthy goals - Once I had good solid descriptions for the next scene(s) down on paper, typing it up whilst adding flowers and dialogue was a lot faster and easier; without much thought I was churning out 5-10pages a day, well ahead of the 3-4page target. That was a huge motivator to keep me going at that pace and I love to compete, even if it's with myself. I suddenly had a new goal, to complete the script before the Easter break. Once that break came along, I knew writing would be hard and very stressful. I also wanted to enjoy it as a holiday rather than any other day.

Change my routine – I generally write better during the day when I’m still awake. Evenings are usually a time for relaxing in front of the TV, reading a book or tweaking a script. That works fine if I’m either working with no deadline or on a half hour programme or short, but for this challenge to work I needed more writing time. Mr Russell was very understanding and helped out by playing some games on the PS3 instead.

To Do Lists – Back in my working days I valued my To Do Lists. They were essential and I had them not only at work, but also at home. Lately however, I’ve been relying mostly on my memory, which I’m quite certain shrunk a little every time I got pregnant. So to get through busy periods, I get back to the organised, OCD me and get those To Do lists going.

Adjust to changes – Not far into April the Sun decided to visit. I love hot sunny days, I really do, but I had to re-think my routine. On a certain day, for example, I got the paddling pool out and let my eldest splash around. Not a problem, he could splash, the little one could nap and I could write. Perfect. I knew though that my niece who lives a few houses down was on half-term break and that both her and my son would love to play together, but it would mean that I couldn’t write. After trying hard not to give in, the mummy inside thought she was being unfair and to make matters worse, the Sun shinning in through the windows kept highlighting the need to get those clean. Minutes after giving in, my niece and son were over the moon splashing together whilst I cleaned the windows and my sis helped keep it all peaceful. That day, when all was quiet and the Sun was setting, I sat down and typed away.

It took focus, it took organisation and it took determination, but I got there. On the 20^th of April, the night before Mr Russell started his annual leave and with 10days left until the end of the month, I typed FADE OUT. That was a great feeling. I had done it and now have a feature. An extremely rough draft, which will need some work to even make sense, but a 100 page script nonetheless (even if I do admit to being disappointed at the fact that it’s 100 pages exactly and not just that little longer).

Oh hello May, so what do you have in store for me? Some Sun and tequila? Oh, yes, some re-writes and possibly a couple of shorts. I hear ya, challenge accepted.

How do you go about juggling writing and other commitments? Please share your experiences and views.